Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Basically, this is almost ridiculous to be writing about May when we are practically in June already. And what nonsense -- to update after so many months! Where to begin; what to leave in or take out?
Let's start with today, shall we? See where the day takes us. Today is a Tuesday, day after Memorial Day, day after seeing "Iron Man" at the Metreon downtown. Oh, yeah. I'm here in San Francisco, as brief a stint as it will turn out to be. Remember that commitment I made to the year -- that this year I follow my heart, my instincts, wherever they take me?
As of now, they are taking me back to Wichita. And I am excited. I have work all waiting for me, family, friends, a life I want to live. Here I've found that so much of what I love about California, about San Francisco, are things I want to share with someone. This is a place set up for togetherness.
I realize that for all my posturing, I have some practical, personal work to get do before someone else enters my life. I have to create space for love, if it will ever have a chance. So, I embrace my newfound vitality and responsibilities with appreciation and determination. And hope, can't forget that! I will have a room to write in, a neighborhood with friends nearby, and dedication to something besides angsty digressions about the meaning of life.
Maybe something will be found in the doing that is not found in the theory. A girl can hide a long time in theory. Hiding is exhausting.
The image of the day is of the angel, and the angel's wings. I have had such pain lately in my chest, in my shoulders, radiating through to my back, my neck. The other day in a massage I was informed that I had overdeveloped muscles in certain places that were overcompensating for the weakness of the others. The image of the angel came to me (certainly more due to Dante and Baudelaire than ANY notion of the angel I am very much not). So much energy I spend trying to be good, to be supportive, and never disappoint.
An angel can hover, protect, be vigilant about those he/she is connected to. But is it such a wonderful thing? "Angelic" is quite a burden, and those wings must get pretty heavy at times, weighing down. My mind likes to play with the images of angels and devils. And the in-between: humanity.
The fierce archangel Michael, doing battle with Satan holding a spear in his right hand, also holds a palm branch in his left; Raphael, a healer, more subdued, holds a physician's alabaster jar and a fish. Gabriel holds the mirror and the lantern, illuminating, connected with the shadowy humanity and deeper notions of the eternal.
Guess who is resonating with me now?
Spring has sprung. Summer awaits, and not a moment too soon.
Until next time,