Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Mid-January finds me at the computer, still working out the logistics of relocation. Sigh. Is it really this hard?
In the meantime, there are papers to write, correspondence to keep, and gorgeous Santa Barbara days to savor. Beyond lucky on that account!
My days must be full, because my nights are slow. I appreciate it. My precious, wonderful friend Sue pulled a Tarot card for me the other night, because I was feeling like Little Girl Lost. She pulled the Ten of Cups. I read about it, and it was a cool card, especially given my up-in-the-air feelings. A card of reassurance, and contentment.
Tarot or no, what pulls me through this time of upheaval is school. I can read and lean on the process of integration to carry me. I suppose, too, the process of creation as well.
And, always and most, the love and encouragement of family and friends. Every day I feel more grateful, and it seems like the greatest gift; the best lesson.
I am in flux, my dears. No huge announcements or surprises. Just faith, optimism, and pluck.
Oh. And Jayhawk madness, out here on the central coast!
So damn good. Love watching those kids play!!
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Yes, it HAS been a while since I've written on this little site. Very neglectful of me, I admit. Let's see if we can remedy this...
To catch you up: holidays in Santa Fe, back in San Francisco trying like mad to find the next nest. Hurrying through my papers for school (due tomorrow -it will happen), and eager to get back south to get things all aligned for the next chapter. Strange thing about 'next chapters'; you usually start living them before you officially recognize that you do. So as much as I have been working toward a certain type of future, I think I've embarked on living the life I want already.
So I've got THAT going for me.
In my research and analysis of the Grimms' fairy tale "The Goose-Girl", I stumbled upon these words, from the ever-provocative Marie-Louise von Franz:
If, out of mental laziness, you simply sit back and hope that the spirit of unconscious will maneuver you through all the difficulties of your life, then it will play you tricks. But if you make your utmost effort to face life on your own with great courage, but find that you can't, that you are up against a wall and it's beyond your capacities, then, generally, these helpful gifts emerge from the unconscious. (APinFT)
What the hell is she referring to, you may be asking yourself? Well, von Franz is referring to the magical gifts that assist the characters in fairy tales as they rescue the princess, or spin straw into gold, or kill the dragon. Like a ball that rolls where they are supposed to turn, or a stick that renders them invisible to their foes. So, if I am the princess in my own little fairy tale, what gifts have emerged for me? Because I certainly have had the experience of trying to work something out by myself and maybe making it worse through my own myopic ways.
Movement. The Greeks believed it was the expression of the eternal; the flow of water in dreams often refers to the movement in our lives -of our emotions, our creativity, our instincts. I am deeply aware of psyche's gift of meaningful dreams, acceptance from my beloved friends, new friends who make me smarter, make me glow, keep me accountable, and some who grace me with the gift of their eyes, smiles, and erotic energies (that's the creative eros, you know, not the xxx-theater kind).
So, dear readers. 2008 starts off with a wealth of opportunity, determination, acceptance, gratefulness, and thirst for meaning. Quenchable, lovable thirst. Yet another aspect of desire that, in my estimation, moves us, sustains us.
Desire without attachment. Don't try it the other way around. I promise it's not a great idea.
Love what you love, move a little today with your whole heart toward something that FEELS good, not something that makes sense. My goal for the year is to follow my heart wherever it leads me. Logic has been banished to the backseat. My emotion and desire are back in charge.
I'll keep you posted. Sure to be a wild ride.